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Love?
For a long time I thought falling in love meant surrendering my body, soul, life and personality. With every past relationship, I was a mirror like compound of versatile putty. Multifaceted, bendable and ever so yielding. (Of course, the fire was always there, pushed down unseen. My core.) I became the current suitor’s version of the perfect woman or something close to it. In a way, It was always easy to walk away when I grew weary of the part I played that was never me.
Sometimes, I forgot who I was and often spent a long time in aftermath of my random relationships relearning who I was and liked. I think love without the presence of understanding, learning and real connection is truly the essence of fast food love - a temporary airy sugar rush without substance or real value.
I’m older now. I see me now, I’m human. Life is not a play nor I, the perpetual method actor. I’m bendable. I still go with the flow. To live otherwise in a world that is changing and evolving every yoctosecond/less is a fool’s game of control. The next time I fall? I vow to fall with my unique grace and imperfect self intact - I’ll fall with, not without.
